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Today is my daughter's birthday. She would have been 13 today had she not died during open heart surgery. For anyone who has lost a child, you know that the pain doesn't go away. We put the emotions to the back of our mind, as we go about our daily lives. Days like the anniversary of our child's death, birthdays and the holidays bring those feelings of loss to the surface. After 13 years listening to the song "tears in heaven" still makes me cry. Someone said to me just yesterday, that they had never met anyone who held on to the memory of their child like I do. She said that most people just put it to back off their mind and go on with life. But to anyone who has lost a child, they will agree with me that is the farthest from the truth. You may not always see a parents pain because we have become very good at hiding it. For some parents it is not always easy to talk about their child's death. When you have lost a child part of you dies too. Some feel because my daughter died at five weeks, I should not be so attached. But it does not matter if our child was one month when they died or fifteen. The pain of loosing a child is still as strong. Talking about your child and keeping their spirit alive, keeps you alive. I didn't build a shrine for Katie but I do have her keep sakes in a special box. I talk about her from time to time and I write about her. I have photos of her on the wall with my other children's photos and when asked how many children I have, I answer three. I have always talked to my daughter and my son about their sister. They understand why their mother and father are sad on days like their sister's birthday and anniversary of death. They both also visit the grave with us. I had a good long cry today and it helped. If you have lost a child don't keep those feelings bottled up inside of you. You are not Wonder Woman or Super Man and it is ok to ask for the support of friends and family. Nobody expects you to be strong and always hold it together. Today was a difficult day to get through and my friends knew that. It is hard to accept that Katie died and I can never bring myself to say goodbye. However I have given her wings to fly by accepting that she is gone. No matter how many tears we cry or how much we pray it will not bring our child back. Life is to short and we must go on. We must accept the beauty of life and live each day as though it is our last. Often times I feel cheated because I will never see Katie graduate or get married. However I know that God had a better plan for her. Someone once said that children are not ours to keep. That our children are only on loan to us until God calls them home. God call my daughter home July 21st 1992, five short weeks after he gave her life. She left this world to soon. She left before her little life after began. But I can't change what God has chosen. I don't understand how he loved her more than I, but he did. So today I'll grieve and tomorrow I'll go on with life until I am reunited with her again. Happy 13th Birthday Katie Lyndsey Rose DesRochers Mommy loves you. About the Author
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We'll Meet Again Some Day